Changes

After much discussion, research and several pros and cons lists, I set up an appointment with a new clinic with a Dr with a really good reputation.  This was a big deal and really scary as we really like our current clinic and dr but we wonder if a new set of eyes and also this new clinic is cheaper which makes it easier for us to do more cycles if we need to.

I was so nervous, I went to the appointment by myself and was so overwhelmed.  He was so confident that he can get us pregnant and he gave me two options, do surgery first to check my endometrosis or do one or two transfers and if I'm not pregnant then we will do the surgery.  And to make this even better is that he wanted to do the surgery at no gap, this was a big deal. As scared as I was to do the surgery again, I'm also more scared that my endometrosis had come back.  We decided to go ahead with the surgery which was two days ago now and I'm so glad we did.  He found a lot of adhesions on the left hand side from where they took my tube last time and on my bowel, he removed endometriosis from the top of my vagina and my right tube was not open.  I have my post op appointment next Wednesday and I will find out more about my right tube.  I really hope he was able to open it.  But really at the end of the day we know we have to do more IVF so I'm ready to jump straight into it.  I'm feeling excited and hopeful that our baby is coming.

Just a catch up

So it's been awhile since my last post.  We have been to hell and back that's for sure.  After the miscarriage we took a break obviously due to the nature of it all and then did an IUI in January.  My ovaries did really well, I started on 125iu of Puregon and then half way through increased it to 150iu.  I had three really good follicles growing and then my next scan showed two more which were smaller so to avoid a cancelled cycle we triggered and went ahead with the three good ones.  Unfortunately it was a BFN.  

During these scans though our dr noticed an unusual thickening on one part of my lining.  We decided to look into this further just in case it was a polyp and we did a hysteroscopy.  Everything went well and there was nothing there to remove.

We decided not to bother with anymore IUI's and go straight back into IVF.  The baseline scan went well, I had 9 antral follicles which is more than normal.  We started injections and progress scans were going well.  We ended up with 9 follicles before trigger which was great considering all those cancelled cycles last year.  We got 6 eggs at retrieval which I wasn't really happy with.  5 were mature and 4 fertilised.  I was not feeling great about this.  3 made it to day 3 and we decided to go ahead with PGD.  Out of the three only one tested normal.  I was shattered, I felt so much pressure on me at that time for this to work.  I almost didn't want to do the transfer.  

Two week wait began and as always the first week goes ok and then the second I just can't stop thinking about every twinge and feeling.  I was convinced it had worked as I felt nauseated and exhausted. 

Well that was all in my head as it ended in a BFN.

We were devastated, this was meant to work, it was a viable embryo, I was on Clexane and prednisone so in my head this was it!

This was the hardest failed cycle I had to get through.  I thought I was strong but the emptiness I felt was unbelievable.