Next steps...

I love the fact that our new clinic sets up a follow up appointment for you within a day or two of your beta.  This allows you to discuss the cycle and move on quickly to a new cycle if you need to or discuss what's next if you are lucky enough to be pregnant.

Well this appointment was neither.  I wasn't pregnant and we wouldn't be starting another cycle straight away.  

Unfortunately, the discussion ending up on the topic of donor eggs.  Who we could ask?   Factors to consider?  I'm not sure what my poor mind was going through, was it a dream?  Was this my reality now?

However, his recommendation is to try one more time (collection number 6) with my own eggs to see how that goes.  To be honest, the odds are against us and I know I have to draw the line somewhere but the thought of my child not being "mine" terrifies me and I feel physically ill. I always dreamed of my children looking like me and being able to look at them and see similarities from my family line.

I know I will still hold just as much love for a baby born through donor eggs but my mind just isn't ready for it yet.

We decided to take a break, try and refresh my poor stressed body and C goes away for 2 weeks in October so we will go again in November.

As I've said before the hope is fading and I can't see this last attempt feeling any different.