Emotions were higher than normal for me. Each shot was getting harder to bear with each passing day. My first scan day arrived and I was feeling ok about it. Eight follicles, that's amazing for me to produce. They weren't quite big enough yet so I went back two days later. Still eight at scan number two and they were all ready to go. I was feeling so great about this follicle count but that joy faded very fast. Collection results are in and we got 3 eggs. I couldn't believe it, truly is this what it's going to come down to. My last cycle with my own eggs and my body is really tell me that's it done!
Next day got the call with fertilisation rates and that wasn't the best either. Two weren't mature enough for ICSI so were put in a dish normally but one fertilised abnormally so they just had to wait and see what it did next. The one that was injected fertilised normally. So it was safe to say we only had one embryo.
No news is good news in relation to how they are going so when Friday came (day 4) and I hadn't heard from the clinic with a transfer time I started to panic. And I had every right to. One embryo was at 3 cell and one was at 6 cell which at day 4 should be at least 16 cell. They also had a fair bit of fragmentation. It was over before it technically even began.
It hit me hard that I would not be PUPO with my last shot at a biological child. I didn't even get a fighting chance. I don't know what is next. Maybe donor but C is exhausted from all the strain and stress that IVF brings that I'm not even sure he wants to continue.
I am beyond devastated. I'm lost.
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