Waiting, waiting...

It's been four months since our last failed cycle and it's been real tough.  I think because since August 2012, we have either been doing tests, doing cycles or I have been having surgery.  We had always been doing something towards getting our baby and yet I am still sitting here, just still as me, not Mum, not pregnant, just lonely old me!  Yes I have C, and family, friends and the cats but they are never going to be able to fill the hole that is within me if I never get a baby.  I still have 37 days until I start Synarel and then it's another 3 months after that that I will start my next cycle.  So that's eight months in total that I have had to wait, doing nothing towards getting our baby and I'm scared, I'm really scared.  I'm scared that we won't get a good number of eggs, I am scared that out of those that do fertilised, we won't get any viable embryos to transfer after the PGD testing.  I never envisaged any of this for my life.  I don't know if all this is killing me or making me stronger.