Up and down...

I'm in limbo, I don't know how I feel.  One moment, I'm excited and hopeful but then my past cycles come to the forefront of my mind and just takes over.  People would say to me "I don't know how you keep doing, you are so strong." My response was always because I believe my baby is coming and I could visualise us as parents.  Now as time goes on I'm struggling to visualise that anymore and this cycle I actually feel like I have been given my last chance.  It's not a great feeling.

Infertility and IVF has changed me forever I reckon.  There is no going back.  I'd love to go back a few years, even one year would be enough and then I would still have my passion and drive that this will work for us.  But that's just not the case.  

My sister had a scare last week that IVF may have had to be her path as well but thankfully her dye test showed that her tubes aren't still blocked which is such a blessing!  I felt so much dread for her, I didn't want her to have to endure this crap too.  I was also afraid that I wouldn't have been a positive help for her through it.  I would be informative but I wouldn't have been able to be a positive role model for her and that upsets me that this is where I am in my life.