I'm ready...

Ok let's do this!! I'm ready to do the next step in this egg donor cycle!

I saw my FS today for what I called my "peace of mind chat."  And it served it's purpose!  He is super happy how the cycle went and is delighted we are ready to do an FET after we get back from our holiday.

So our plan is to do a medicated FET and I will also be on aspirin and prednisone which I'm happy about.  

So in 11 days we leave for our overseas holiday for 2 weeks and then I will be ready to go!! Bring it on!

Leap of faith

Being negative doesn't get you anywhere! I'm that person who replies "but it's too hard not to stress" my husband says to me this morning "if someone told you that stressing over this transfer will not allow it to work and kill your embryo would you stop stressing or say it's too hard". I knew he was right but my first instinct was to get my back up and say to him "how do I not stress"  instead I asked him "how do you not stress" as he his always so calm and he said "because we have been given a great opportunity for this to actually work, the other times we weren't doing anything different and still getting the same negative result, this donor egg cycle is a game changer" 

That conversation has turned the light on in my head!  It's that simple, how I act or react is affecting my chances so I choose hope and faith again!! 

Up and down...

I'm in limbo, I don't know how I feel.  One moment, I'm excited and hopeful but then my past cycles come to the forefront of my mind and just takes over.  People would say to me "I don't know how you keep doing, you are so strong." My response was always because I believe my baby is coming and I could visualise us as parents.  Now as time goes on I'm struggling to visualise that anymore and this cycle I actually feel like I have been given my last chance.  It's not a great feeling.

Infertility and IVF has changed me forever I reckon.  There is no going back.  I'd love to go back a few years, even one year would be enough and then I would still have my passion and drive that this will work for us.  But that's just not the case.  

My sister had a scare last week that IVF may have had to be her path as well but thankfully her dye test showed that her tubes aren't still blocked which is such a blessing!  I felt so much dread for her, I didn't want her to have to endure this crap too.  I was also afraid that I wouldn't have been a positive help for her through it.  I would be informative but I wouldn't have been able to be a positive role model for her and that upsets me that this is where I am in my life.  

Such a beautiful gift!

We did it, we made it through our first (and hopefully only) donor egg cycle.  We are so truly blessed and grateful to my cousin for providing us with such an amazing chance to be parents.  I'm more excited now of that prospect.  I'm feeling a little apprehensive as to if it will work, which is only natural.  After all the failed cycles, miscarriages and heartache, it's hard to believe that this could actually happen for us.  The success rates are so much bigger than it has ever been before so I just need to believe it will work!

We have 4 beautiful blastocyst babies in the freezer waiting for us!!  So amazing!! 

We have a trip overseas planned and then it is transfer time!  I'll be nice and relaxed ready to go.  I've been eating clean and working out the last 9 weeks so I feel great and I'm losing some of that built up IVF weight.  Everything is pointing in a positive direction!!